“It is a bit messy here isn’t it?” I said, hoping my recognition of the situation would ease her anxiety.
She quickly replied, “That’s ok-it’s a messy world out there too.”
She had heard of the universal problem of a messy world, but she perceived it simply as an untidiness.
A child from a hard place knows the mess of this world at an entirely different level. Children with a background of trauma comprehend deeply that the world is in disarray. Even when they are given a “tidier version” in the safety of your home, your child may often fight for control and react as if they let go of the control then they will not survive. Lies, manipulation, and scary behaviors manifest in times that feel to the parent that, “all is safe.” Felt safety isn’t just a belief that “I am safe” but also has to do with the internal world of your child.