All tagged Felt Safety

My answer to big behaviors with "its because of trauma” is Yes and No-

The yes is in reply to understanding that all behaviors often can be understood in light of trauma.  What research has found about children who have experienced early relational trauma is that it results in complex developmental trauma. Sensory systems, cognitive ability, emotional regulation, and social ability (and more) are impacted by early traumatic relationships. I think TBRI is a useful model because it aims at putting children back onto a typical developmental trajectory. When we look at it as a brain that is “delayed”in areas, then it seems for me much easier to address the behavior.  I aim to look at the developmental need behind the behavior rather than just dealing with the presenting behavior.

 “It is a bit messy here isn’t it?”  I said, hoping my recognition of the situation would ease her anxiety.

She quickly replied, “That’s ok-it’s a messy world out there too.”

She had heard of the universal problem of a messy world, but she perceived it simply as an untidiness.

A child from a hard place knows the mess of this world at an entirely different level. Children with a background of trauma comprehend deeply that the world is in disarray.  Even when they are given a “tidier version” in the safety of your home, your child may often fight for control and react as if they let go of the control then they will not survive.  Lies, manipulation, and scary behaviors manifest in times that feel to the parent that, “all is safe.”  Felt safety isn’t just a belief that “I am safe” but also has to do with the internal world of your child.